5 Ways To Befriend Your Body This Year
Hello dear friends!
We are in a time of major shift potential. Perhaps you feel it too? It’s not just another turn of the calendar year- it’s a brand new decade, and we also have some major astrological changes heralding the coming of 2020. Now is the perfect time to set some intentions on how you want to feel in this next year, and instead of trying out yet another diet plan or exercise regimen or taking another online course that you won’t do anything with, maybe this year is the year to finally make some lasting, impactful changes.
One of the main things that I work on with clients is coming back home to the body. We’ve all experienced major disconnection from, and even hatred of, these physical vessels that we live in, and I think it’s a huge area of healing to come back into harmony and love with them instead! So I thought I’d write a blog not about how to “get back on track” with your diet or whatever, but how to feel more embodied and empowered. Because I believe this is where the good stuff is anyway!
As you are sitting down to create your vision boards, or make your mantras, or choose your anchor word for 2020, I invite you to remember these five things.
Here are five ways to come back to your body and befriend your body this year:
1. Ditch the diet culture
This is a BIG one, especially for us female-bodied people. Most of us are used to making “new year's resolutions” that have to do with our weight or changing our physical appearance, even though most of us know by now that diets don’t work. 95% of diets fail, and the #1 outcome of weight loss is weight gain. Diets are harmful to our mental and emotional health, and they can cause harm to those around us too!
If you want to feel at home in your body, it has to start with recognizing that you are perfect, whole, and worthy no matter your shape or size. And that your body deserves to be nourished and feel amazing. It’s vital to start recognizing the signs of diet culture in your life, and how it’s shaped your past too. This is something we can dig into together, using Body Trust® methods.
Consider throwing out the scale (or at least putting it in storage for a while), putting the fashion magazines down, and unfollowing/unsubscribing from every account that preys on your insecurities as a way to sell you a new cleanse/detox/diet program/etc…
2. Make your wardrobe suit the real you
In the height of my eating disorder days, I had an entire section of my closet devoted to my “one day” clothes. I would buy or hold on to clothes that were too small, as a way to “motivate” myself to lose the weight. Spoiler alert: this tactic NEVER works and only makes you feel like shit. In the end, you’re left with less closet space and a painful reminder of how you wish your body was different every day. This year, make a loving commitment to yourself to only dress yourself in clothes that you love, that fit you well, and make you feel good...and to get rid of the rest.
I acknowledge that this does have some intersections of privilege, so do your best here. If you don’t have the money to go out and buy new clothes that you adore, that’s okay! Just ditch all the ones you’ve been holding on to for “when you get in shape” (you’re not using them anyway). Or check out your local thrift store, or hold a clothing swap with some friends. Your body deserves to be clothed in things that are comfortable, and make you feel confident. And no, this isn’t about shapewear, or hiding your “trouble areas”- it’s about wearing whatever TF you want and making no apologies for it!
3. Spend more time naked
One thing I’ve been trying in the last few months is spending more time at home in the nude. I know it may sound strange, but think about how little time we typically spend without clothes on? Most people in our current culture are only unclothed for things like bathing/showering and sex, and a few minutes as we change into different outfits. How many of us actually spend intentional time naked, just doing things around the house? At least for me, that never happened, and it felt pretty damn weird the first few times I did.
In our puritanical society, nudity or nakedness are seen as sinful or shameful, or something we only do in private. The naked female body, especially, is deemed inherently sexual (i.e. blamed for all sorts of evils), and we’ve all internalized these messages to some degree. Practicing mindful naked time is one way we can take our power back, and feel more at home in our skin.
Start with just a few minutes- set a timer for 5-10 minutes, and just be naked. You don’t have to stand in front of a mirror or do any special exercise. Just go about your chores or tasks as you normally would. Trust me, it’s a freeing experience, doing the dishes in the buff!
4. Learn to self-pleasure
The vast majority of us never received any guidance on how to touch ourselves. We weren’t taught about our amazing anatomy, different types of orgasms, or how to experiment to find out what we like best. Add a little religious sexual shame to the mix, and you’ve got millions of women having NO CLUE how to stimulate their clitoris, or find their G-spot, or vary their orgasms at all. Whether you are just starting with masturbation, or you’ve been doing it for a while already, this year is your year to take control of your self-pleasure practice.
It’s important to invest in your own pleasure, whether you are currently in a partnership or not. Too many women put their own self-touch on hold when they are in relationships, relying on their lover to provide all the stimulation and pleasure they need. But this is a recipe for feeling out of control and disconnected from yourself! Not to mention potential resentment. Instead of risking it, take charge and learn how your body works, what you like best, and how you prefer to cum (if you do at all).
Getting started with self-pleasure doesn’t need to be complicated. Try a gentle yoni massage, or invest in some gemstone yoni eggs. Take it up a notch with other toys like crystal wands or vibrators. Put on your favorite music, and have fun with it! My favorite resource for learning to make pleasure work for you is OMG Yes.
5. Change your talk
Many people speak to and about themselves in a way that is dismissive or downright cruel. They constantly are pointing out their “flaws” or saying mean things about their wrinkles or bellies or thigh dimples. But if another person would to speak to them in the way they speak to their body, they’d be extremely hurt!
If you were in a relationship with someone who treated you the way you treat your body, how long would you want to stay with that person? The difference is, your body is with you for good- from the moment your consciousness stepped foot on this planet, to the moment you’ll transition out of Earth School. Your body is your best friend, your daily companion, and your ally through all of your ups and downs. It is constantly fighting for you. It loves you unconditionally.
So, how would you talk to or about someone who loves you like that? It’s time to start paying attention to the kinds of words and phrases you use when talking to yourself, or describing your body. You wouldn’t (hopefully) talk shit about your best friend, so stop talking shit about your body. It is listening to everything that you say! Try replacing words with more positive, or at least neutral, alternatives. Leave yourself little love notes. Hug, squeeze, caress, kiss, and pinch yourself while saying nice things. It all starts with awareness.
So friends, these are my five tips for befriending your body this year. I do hope you will put a few on your new year's intention list!
Which one of these five do you struggle with the most? Let’s chat.
As always,
~ Hoping you feel as well as possible ~
