I Tried Everything to Heal (Yes, Even Coffee Enemas)
Hi friends,
If healing were a job application, my resume would be extraordinary. After all, it was my full-time job just a few years ago!
I have put so many different things in my body and on my body, it would astound and confuse most average folks. Because when your body just isn’t cooperating and doctors don’t have clear answers, something interesting happens- you become very open-minded. Suddenly the idea of drinking celery juice at sunrise or sitting on a heated mat infused with amethyst crystals doesn’t sound strange. It sounds hopeful.
When you’re suffering- really suffering- you’ll try almost anything if there’s even a small chance it might help.
Along my journey, there were a few turning points I remember. My experience with a neurologist (who later turned out to be quite a shady, drug-addicted guy) and a lumbar puncture was one of the biggest ones. It took me nearly a full week of rest and opiates to recover from that procedure, only to be met with a load of negative test results. He suspected I had MS, and there was a part of me that wished I did. So at least I could be understood, validated, and treated. But alas, not.
I remember lying on the couch, getting the news of my test results, and crying for hours. Something in me had broken apart. And after the brief depressive episode that followed that day, I resolved to be done with Western medicine altogether. I was going to figure this out for myself. (Narrator voice: She eventually did, but not without first wasting tens of thousands of dollars and punishing her body with extreme treatments)
And so began my rather extensive tour of the alternative healing universe. Just dipping a toe in at first. But then diving into the deep end after finding the Medical Medium and plenty of subsequent “healers” and “gurus” (boy, that is a story for another day!).
It was interesting, in preparing to write this post, to take inventory of all the wild things I’ve done in the name of health over the years. It was sobering and sad and enraging and lots of other emotions.
And a quick caveat before we explore these- I am in NO WAY shaming or blaming anyone who is currently trying any of these things. I am simply sharing my story as someone with what turned out to be a neuroplastic condition.
So, let’s check out my alternative wellness resume!
At various points over the course of about 5 years, I tried:
Coffee enemas. Yep. For probably about 2 years, sometimes daily. It was a cornerstone of my morning routine. It was so freeing when I finally threw away that enema bag!
Celery juice- not the beginning of the MM phase, but the bulk of it. I made this religiously every day. Damn, that was expensive and time-consuming.
Juice cleanses- many, many of these.
Fruitarianism- periods of just eating fruits. Crates and boxes of them. Don’t get me wrong, I love fruit, but man this was nutritionally problematic.
The Grape Cure- an extreme version of fruit fasting. Felt miserable and only made it 8 days.
Heavy metal detoxes- in every form possible. Smoothies, herbal supplements, binders, and even IV chelation with a naturopath.
Parasite cleanses- many versions of these too. I even created my own blend (I am an herbalist, so this felt doable for me) and made my own capsules for many months.
Antivirals- both prescription and herbal/natural.
Natural Lyme protocols- so. many. tinctures. And. so. much. money.
Infrared sauna- I bought a portable popup sauna for my room, and would force myself to sit and sweat until I felt like passing out. No bueno.
BioMat- a very expensive mat with far infrared heat, negative ions, and gemstones.
Grounding mat- a conductive pad I’d have under my feet or meditate on.
Ionic foot baths
Lots of waters- alkaline water, water with crystals in it, water infused with moonlight/sunlight/healing mantras, structured water, etc.
Colloidal silver- I was using this so often that I bought a device so I could make my own at home. Yikes.
Red light therapy- I still have one little RLT bulb in my meditation corner, just because it feels nice on cold, rainy days (it took some time for me to see it as a comfort, not a cure. A major theme for me!).
Strict diets- this could be its own post, but for now I’ll list: vegan, raw vegan, keto, animal-based, paleo, AIP, carnivore, GAPS. Some of these included organ meats, raw milk, and raw liver. Major development of orthorexia.
Neurofeedback, biofeedback
Acupuncture
Homeopathic remedies
Supplements- I’ve already mentioned some, but there were various others to treat mitochondrial dysfunction, gut inflammation, chronic infections, etc. I still take some supplements now, but they’re pretty basic and not “treating” anything.
Essential oils- rubbed on my feet, my head, in my ears, and ingested. That’s a no-no.
Wim Hof breathing and cold exposure
Medical psychic intuitive- I paid over $300 to have her tell me absolutely nothing accurate or helpful.
Safe and Sound Protocol
Water fasting
Epsom salt baths
Colonics
There are probably a few things missing from this list, to be honest. And there are many others that I wanted to try but didn’t have access to (like a Rife machine, bee venom therapy, and more). Several years of my life were a whirlwind of protocols, treatments, and trying so hard to feel better. (who knew, the real healing would happen when I stopped trying so hard…)
In reflecting on this time in my life, I feel such a well of grief and compassion for my younger self. I wish I could go back and save her all the time, money, and energy she spent chasing cures that would only leave her feeling more scared and more hopeless than ever. It was a never-ending treadmill. My life revolved around my health.
Because when you’re trying to heal, you’re always wondering if someone out there might have the missing piece. And I’d be damned if I didn’t find it! If a capsule promised to detox, cleanse, optimize, repair, rebalance, or reset something in my body, there’s a very good chance I tried it. I’ve been scanned, aligned, detoxed, rolled, breathed, and energetically assessed more times than I can count.
At times, my life began to feel like a full-time job in experimental wellness. And looking back, I understand exactly why. When you’re living with chronic symptoms and no clear answers, hope becomes incredibly powerful. Every new protocol feels like it might be the one.
The one that purifies the hidden toxin. The one that resets the nervous system. The one that lowers the inflammation. The one that finally explains everything.
And the wellness world is full of those promises. There is always another cleanse. Another supplement. Another breakthrough program or package. Another expert who believes they’ve found the root cause. So you keep trying things. Because hope is powerful.
And because when you’re suffering, doing something feels better than doing nothing.
(slow) turning points
But eventually, after years of experimenting with nearly everything under the sun, something surprising happened. The things that helped the most were not the exotic or expensive protocols. I actually noticed that the more I let go of those things, the better and lighter I felt.
I eventually found the science of neuroplastic conditions. And the pieces slowly started coming together. It took a little while, and it’s been a bumpy ride, but the freedom I gained by getting rid of the sauna, the juicer, the detox supplements, and everything else was worth every moment!
And I will pause here for a moment of gratitude for those initial programs that showed me the way. While they are not perfect (again, another story for another day), I am so thankful to have found DNRS and the Gupta Program. I am so thankful to finally understand the science of the limbic brain, the nervous system, and all the neuropsychology that explained all of my symptoms and helped me find the way out of the dark tunnel I had been living in.
So that brings me to what has actually worked for me. The things that actually moved the needle in my recovery have been things that don’t typically come with glossy marketing or dramatic before-and-after stories.
For me, the real turning points came from:
Evidence-based therapies
So many wonderful tools and perspectives, and a few great clinicians and coaches along the way. Therapies like CBT, DBT, ACT, ERP, and PRT especially. Some self-compassion and somatic experiencing therapy as well. Working with emotions, thoughts, and behavior patterns was the key. Not another detox.
Meditation
Just like therapies, there are so many different styles of meditation. But they’ve all offered their own unique gifts to me along my path. Loving-kindness, somatic tracking, positive visualization, basic Vipassana, and much more. Learning how to sit with my inner state instead of constantly trying to fix it has been a huge blessing (and challenge!).
Medication
Sometimes the brain genuinely benefits from biochemical support. There is no shame in that. I spent years in so much fear and judgment around medication, but when I was finally diagnosed with OCD (better late than never, I guess), it was the nudge I needed to look at this more seriously. SSRIs, SNRIs, tricyclics, and other meds can be helpful for a lot of us, and I am now a firm believer that taking these can be a great way to help yourself along the road to recovery. And nothing to be ashamed of.
Connection
Being around safe people. Experiencing co-regulation with romantic partners, friends, community members, and various healers. This includes things like Reiki, massage, and bodywork, where the true power was the calming presence, the therapeutic space, and safe physical touch. This nervous system regulation was the most powerful medicine. Letting myself move out of isolation and be supported and seen as my true self was so healing. Thank you to my wonderful partner, friends, therapists, and sangha members for helping me live again.
None of these things are flashy. They don’t promise instant transformation. And they rarely make the kind of headlines that the wellness industry loves. But they are powerful. And slowly, they helped me step off the endless cycle of searching. (extra special thanks to people like Rebecca Tolin and other leaders in the mindbody space, along with the DARE response program, and the work of Dr. Claire Weekes)
Even though I wish I could go back a decade and give myself the right information, I don’t regret the years I spent experimenting with so many approaches. When you're suffering, you follow hope wherever it leads. And sometimes those detours teach you things you couldn’t have learned any other way.
But if you’re reading this and you recognize yourself somewhere in that long list of protocols and experiments… I want you to know something.
You’re not foolish.
You’re not doing it wrong.
You’re someone who has been trying very hard to feel better.
And that makes sense.
But if you’re feeling exhausted from the constant searching- the new supplements, the new diets, the new detoxes, the feeling that healing is always just one more protocol away- it might be worth gently asking a different question.
Not “What else should I try?”
But:
“What if my body needs safety more than solutions?”
For many of us, real recovery begins not when we finally find the perfect protocol, but when we start creating conditions where the nervous system can relax, connect, and slowly relearn what it feels like to be okay. That kind of healing is quieter. It’s slower. But it’s also much kinder.
And if you’re still somewhere on that wellness treadmill, constantly chasing the next answer, I hope you know you don’t have to figure everything out all at once. You’re allowed to pause. You’re allowed to rest. And you’re allowed to discover that recovery might be simpler than you were led to believe. Or at least, involving a lot less raw liver and detox smoothies.
And I’m always here to help, if you need it.
With gentle hugs for you (and my younger self),
xo, Mel
Certified Health Coach, Reiki Master/Teacher, and Pain Reprocessing Therapy Practitioner
Come connect with me on Instagram and Insight Timer